I am a chronic accomplisher. Getting things done is very satisfying to me. I take little time to celebrate and move right on to the next task to be accomplished. Is this a healthy way to live? Absolutely not. Why do I do it? Well, my therapist has been helping me with this, but part of it is - I have never felt in control of my life.
I have operated as if I am on a boat traveling down a river. My trajectory is determined by how the river unfolds. Accomplishing within those confines has helped keep my ego in check - I must be doing well because points to things - but ultimately it has never been satisfactory.
As Canada soccer coach John Herdman would say, we want things to happen by design. Not by chance. So when it came to setting a New Year’s resolution for 2023, I decided to break from my normal pattern. Instead of a goal (oh, I love my goals!), I chose a guiding phrase by which I could make decisions.
Strong and free.
Now as I face decisions, I ask myself, “What would a strong person do?” I ask myself, “What will make me the most free?” It’s been quite the experiment. The answer is almost always something that scares me a little. Whether it is having a tough conversation or asking for what I want, I am experiencing deep-in-the-gut fear very frequently. I am also reaping the rewards.
I have turned my side project of public speaking coaching into a full blown business where I get to help people reach for their dreams everyday. I rarely feel resentment or dread because I choose how and when I show up. My guiding phrase is also accompanied by a personal motto: with warmth. When I turn someone down or someone rejects me, I aim to be as warm as possible in the scenario.
The result of living by my phrase and my motto together is I feel like myself. I am more whole than I ever have been. also feel more connected to the people around me. Being calm and happy with myself allows me to hold space and truly listen to others.
I have ended my self-imposed journey on the boat. It is moored on the bank, and I am walking into the forest. An option that was always available to me but I could not see because of my fear. I trust myself to deal with any challenges. And am learning to savour the sweetness of being strong and free.
Warmly,
Heather Morrison
Public Speaking Coach
P.s. If what I am saying resonates with you, follow me on insta: @deliver.your.best. I post videos daily on similar topics.
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